Have you tried physically taking the laptop to a ‘normal internet connection’ like at a friends house and see if you can do updates there? I’m not a software guy so I dont know what to ask the techs, but if it works on a standard hardwired connection, that would lead me to believe starlink is blocking it, too much lag in communications etc. Elon is ok with not limiting your speech, just limiting your reach.
We have a number of Starlink users who are able to access the internet without these issues, I’m pretty sure many of them have replaced the default router. There are lots of search hits online as to how to do this, but I’ve never done it myself.